Bible-Code Forgiveness (Free) (v. 1.3) Разработано Nimue |
Accept no cheap imitations. GOD has revealed his own forgiveness app!
This is the free version. The 'Tithed' version is available in the pane to the left titled 'More from this developer', or here: https://market.android.com/details?id=nimue.apps.ppaid&feature=search_result
The Tithed version offers access to the entire list of more than 50 sins, faster, more reliable connections with the mind of GOD, new screens and sound effects, no more advertisements or nags, faster and more personal responses, more information about the negotiation process, and greater chances of forgiveness due to an elite team of Archangels being employed to negotiate on your behalf.
This app allows you to communicate directly with the Almighty and seek forgiveness for your sins through a streamlined interface. This is the free version which uses the older, slower method of connecting to the Almighty, resulting more lost/denied connections, and which utilizes regular spirit negotiators to attempt to secure your salvation... but hey, its free!
Background:
For decades, scholars have been studying the Bible Code- a method of detecting secret messages and future predictions within the text of the sacred scriptures; and our company began advanced Bible code analysis back in 2004. While analyzing the biblical text using advanced chaos algorithms, we began detecting very deep, seemingly random patterns; just a long string of zeros and ones. At first we thought it was an anomaly.. gibberish. But we kept the information anyway. Eventually, new versions of the patterns stopped being uncovered, and the entire collection was archived in order of discovery, cataloged - and forgotten.
5 years later, an undergraduate student named Niles Smithey took a closer look at these patterns and had a crazy idea.. to him they looked like true, modern binary code sets called 'octets'. He tried compiling the octets using several different computer programming language settings, but got no results - until he tried Java. All of a sudden the computer screamed to life! Lights began flashing, hard disks spinning, and indecipherable messages began flashing on the screen faster than the human eye could track them.
That was the beginning of this project.
After 2 years of in depth analysis and deciphering, we have been able to determine that the code is a method for communicating directly with the mind of GOD through a machine... specifically it is designed to facilitate sin forgiveness by bypassing all of the red tape, unpredictability, bureaucracy and politics involved in seeking forgiveness through regular means.
Technical description:
As far as we can tell, here is how it actually works: The images included in this application (the background pictures) were obtained directly from the holy octet stream obtained from the bible.. they just have .jpg headers attached. By feeding these images (really just a highly concentrated and perfectly timed series of rhythmic binary streams ) to the Android processor, the program is able to induce precise fluctuations in the magnetic field surrounding the physical processing unit of your Android phone; by controlling these fluctuations, it is able to induce an electron flow which coalesces into a sub-atomic laser containment array. Once this containment array is stable, a very small quantum Bose-Einstein condensate is generated which contains quantum-entangled neutrinos in direct communication with the mind of GOD! By identifying and monitoring the individual neutrinos, their spin and location, the app is able to utilize them to facilitate information transfer with the Almighty. In this way the application is able to provide a direct, PERSONAL connection with the creator of all mankind, and to streamline the process of forgiveness.
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[2012-11-11] A Google User: Rediculous DO NOT GET THIS APP! IT IS A BLASPHAMY! |
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[2012-11-01] A Google User: Don't even work Only downloaded cause i was curious, but that didn't last too long cause it don't even work. |
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[2012-07-16] A Google User: Smh This app ain't GOD. |
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[2012-07-02] A Google User: Dumb You do not have to buy a full version of an app to recieve God's forgiveness. |
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[2012-05-25] A Google User: Follower of jesus No app will be deciding if I am forgiven or not. |
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[2012-05-10] A Google User: Complete blasphemy This is insulting to Jesus, who died so that we cam be forgiven of our sins, and to all Christians; those that believe in Gods plans for us through his son. |
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[2012-05-04] A Google User: FAKE!!! IT even says "for novelty purposes only" at the bottom of the starting screen. I was forgiven when I didn't want it. |
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[2012-04-29] A Google User: Hmm So im forgiven by god through an android app, this is not what I thought it was. I can do the same thing on my own. |
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[2012-04-09] A Google User: Total bullshit As if an app could atone your sins! This app is just another smash into the very face of Jesus. HE is the one that died for your sins. If you want them to be forgiven, repent and sin no more. |
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[2012-02-05] A Google User: Cornelius21 Perfect app |
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[2012-01-23] A Google User: The review bargraph has horns... Bit average for The Architect... Lord, forgive my asking, but why can't you forgive my evils for free? Everyone here hopes you're not broke again (the ads) and wish they had been sent to you rather than to daddy (who sends hugs and still goes on about the time you were both top mates BTW). See you at the apocalypse, up for a curry afterwards? Loser pays. X |
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[2012-01-05] A Google User: Something led me right to this app Finally I am free from the guilt that has followed me since I did that awful thing. Praise be to the coders, decoders, and his lordship. |
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[2011-07-30] A Google User: Hallelujah! Great for sin management on the go. A fantastic resource for the mobile sinner's lifestyle, this is apparently the first forgiveness app developed by God Himself. Though one might quibble with God's choices in font colors/backgrounds, this is a fine debut. I did receive a response to most of my sin reports, although a couple connection attempts did fail. I wonder if God requires the internet permission to route my prayer data, or to serve His ads. Note that the free version only supports slight sins. Not all sins are created equal! |
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[2011-07-30] n2: Hallelujah! Great for sin management on the go. A fantastic resource for the mobile sinner's lifestyle, this is apparently the first forgiveness app developed by God Himself. Though one might quibble with God's choices in font colors/backgrounds, this is a fine debut. I did receive a response to most of my sin reports, although a couple connection attempts did fail. I wonder if God requires the internet permission to route my prayer data, or to serve His ads. Note that the free version only supports slight sins. Not all sins are created equal! |
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[2011-07-06] A Google User: What a load of polony :( |
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[2011-07-06] John: What a load of polony :( |
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[2011-06-23] A Google User: A fantastic idea, but every sin I committed it said I had to buy the tithed version to be forgiven...what does that say about me?!? Uninstall. |
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[2011-06-23] kdsjds: A fantastic idea, but every sin I committed it said I had to buy the tithed version to be forgiven...what does that say about me?!? Uninstall. |
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[2011-05-30] A Google User: I laughed so hard I nearly had a religious experience! But, seriously... the divine programing language would surely be Euphoria...?! |
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[2011-05-30] dean: I laughed so hard I nearly had a religious experience! But, seriously... the divine programing language would surely be Euphoria...?! |
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[2011-05-04] A Google User: Wow really? This is soo funny but biblical wrong! All sins are equal and god always forgives your sins if you really mean it when you ask Him! |
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[2011-05-04] Stasha: Wow really? This is soo funny but biblical wrong! All sins are equal and god always forgives your sins if you really mean it when you ask Him! |
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[2011-04-23] A Google User: Satan worshipping garbage. Jesus is the only mediator between God and man. As if there isn't enough strife in the church already. Unequivocally heresy |
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[2011-04-23] Adam: Satan worshipping garbage. Jesus is the only mediator between God and man. As if there isn't enough strife in the church already. Unequivocally heresy |
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[2011-04-09] A Google User: This app is amazing. I totally thought it would be Haskell or Scheme that compiled the binary codes and set my flux capacitor going, but hey. |
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[2011-04-09] poincare432: This app is amazing. I totally thought it would be Haskell or Scheme that compiled the binary codes and set my flux capacitor going, but hey. |
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[2011-03-29] A Google User: Not good don't waste your time |
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[2011-03-29] nati: Not good don't waste your time |
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[2011-03-27] A Google User: Are you serious? I dont think we need an app for forgiveness.....things people do for money...... |
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[2011-03-27] chad: Are you serious? I dont think we need an app for forgiveness.....things people do for money...... |
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[2011-03-12] A Google User: Can anyone say "indulgences"? |
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[2011-03-12] NATHAN: Can anyone say "indulgences"? |
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[2011-03-08] A Google User: Only Satan would tell u to trust in a cell phone app to recieve forgiveness of real sin, (Free or especially paid) & to focus on sin in ur mind. |
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[2011-03-08] Anthony: Only Satan would tell u to trust in a cell phone app to recieve forgiveness of real sin, (Free or especially paid) & to focus on sin in ur mind. |
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[2011-02-28] A Google User: Excellent app! |
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[2011-02-28] anil: Excellent app! |
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[2011-02-21] A Google User: Freaking hilarious! |
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[2011-02-21] A Google User: Awesome |
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[2011-02-21] Adam: Freaking hilarious! |
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[2011-02-21] Ash: Awesome |
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